dear 1493852, i love you. i have a crush on you. no one will ever find this, i hope. but i like you in a way that is unhealthy for us both. you're straight
but for some reason my heart chose you. i don't know why. i will never tell you. you will live your life in ignorance of my feelings, and that's how i
intend it to be. i can never be with you, but i can dream. my lips will never know the shape of your lips, but in my head i do. all of this was compelled
by a dream wherein i was holding your hand and kissing you. ever since that night, i have not known peace and your name has always been on the tip of my
tongue. i wish i knew how to let go of you, and i wish you knew how to love me. maybe one day i'll tell you my feelings. maybe when you finally leave
this company, though i highly doubt that day will ever come. my heart aches, not for you, but for the idea of you. i barely know you, yet i am still
infatuated. the way you move your hips ever so slightly forward when you're standing and focused on something, the way you move your hands, the way you
are. to me it's perfect. i like how you laugh, i like how you smile, i like your eyes and your lips and your everything. i wish i could move on.
dear 2548, i had a weird and stupid dream about you on saturday evening. in it, everyone in the branch was there. i don't know how we got
to that point,
but we were cuddling. you were leaning into me and i was carressing your hair. after that, we switched and did the same thing but reversed. i have no
idea why this dream happened, but dreams are weird like that. i still think you're annoying, but when i'm high i think about you. i think about how
well you would('nt) treat me. i force myself to listen to songs in order to remind myself that you are a horrible idea. i mean, you're eight years
older than me! but i know you'd make me feel important, and i'm desperate. i'm still in love with 1493852, but if you were to ask, i don't think
i'd have the strength to say no to you. god damn it.
dear 1493852, i realized how much of a P.O.S. you were. you're a stupid incel piece of crap and i
should've know better. literally look at you. you're so fucking straight it hurts, so i don't know why i gave you the time of day when you wouldn't
care if i lived or died. i genuinely did so much for you, whether it was subconscious or not. hell, you're literally the main reason i gave myself
an eating disorder and lost 45 pounds. it's obsessive, weird, and pathetic. you're literally just my coworker. this isn't even your fault. i
probably wouldn't hate you if i wasn't this obsessed with you. i wouldn't have even cared to look for your flaws. it's come to my attention that
i've essentially been living for you, because now that i know you're not a good person and this world came crashing down, i feel so depresseed. i
i've loved you for genuinely a year, so i guess i forgot how it was before i liked you. i wish i never met you. i was happy, y'know. i did things for
me. fucking hell. and now i hate you. i was in my car driving 75mph in a 40 screaming "HE'S A PIECE 0F SHIT" over and over again when i found out, i was
happy, i was liberated. but before things get better, they got worse. i just want to not be pathetic. all this for a straight dude who drives a white
chevy malibu. fuck.